There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
