We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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