By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I touched a dick in church today
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
