My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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