Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i came on her dog
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
