I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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