does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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