im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
