i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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