Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
