i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
