I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
