So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
