Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
