Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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