Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
