We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
