i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
