I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
