and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
