Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
