I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
did you just send me my own nude
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
