sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
