I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
