i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
