I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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