My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
