we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
