Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
