I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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