I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
