I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
