Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
