Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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