She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
