Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
