Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Randomize
