Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
