In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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