I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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