My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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