took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
