I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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