Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
