Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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