??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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