i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
