I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
