Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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