so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
