At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
