I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
