i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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