whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
