i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
